Time Stands Still
by titaniumandtorn
Summary: "I never meant to hurt anyone," Soda called. "What's done is done, Soda, and you can't change it," Darry said his voice angerier than I'd ever heard it. Soda had tears briming his eyes when he pulled out his switchblade. Darry wasn't paying attention but I noticed. I let out a small scream and all of a sudden, time stood still.
1. Chapter 1

Darry parked in the back of the Sutton Funeral Home parking lot because of the embarrassment the truck had caused him. His was old compared to the newer cars surrounding the funeral funeral started at 12:00 and we arrived at 1:30. Soda had chosen to ride with Steve and wasn't there yet. I didn't feel like running even though it was pouring rain. I walked beside Darry. After a moment, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I felt younger than I was. I felt like I was 6 again and Darry was 12. He used to always hold my hand if we were around a crowd of people. He always made me feel safe. Like holding his hand made everything better, but today it didn't. I was attending my best friends funeral.

When we reahed the doors, we noticed that there were a lot more people than you would expect at a greasers funeral. Then I remembered, he was a hero. A couple of kids from the church were there with their parents. Some hugged or thanked me, but most of them stared and whispered. Darry didn't seem to notice. I didn't feel comfortable around all those people alone, so I stayed by Darry's side. We spoke to a couple of people I didn't know, but of course I pretended I knew them. I noticed Johnny's mother looking at the coffin but no reaction appeared on her face. I hadn't seen Two- bit that day at all. I knew that if he was here, he would be yelling at Johnny's mother. He always made that his job.

I had been strong and not cried all day. Then I saw Two-bit, sitting in a hair in the last row. A black dress shirt and pants on and silent tears dripping from his face to his lap as he stared at nothing but his shoes. He turned his head when he noticed me. He took a while to stand up, like he was unsure if the floor was going to hold him. When he made his way to me, he hugged me so tight and so full of sympathy, I started to cry. One of the mothers from the church handed me tissues and I thanked her. The worst part about it was, this would go on for another 3 hours. Sympathetic hugs. Whispers and stares. Tear stained eyes and half smiles for the next 3 hours.

Darry announced to me that he was going to the bathroom so I decided to wait outside the bathroom for him. I looked at the enterance at the people still coming in or just sitting in chairs by the door. There was a hallway and then two sets of doors that entered into the veiwing room as I called it. I don't know if there was an actual name for it but that was what it seemed like. Then if you walked through a hallway, there was a kitchen type area with tables and refreshments. Then go back through the hallway and you get the restrooms. I could see the sign in area from where I was standing perfectly.

I didn't notice Soda and Steve walk in. I walked over to them so that I wouldn't feel so awkward standing there in a crowd of people. Steve noticed me standing there and said nothing but "hi," in a whispered voice. This wasn't like him. He usually wasn't quiet and almost never made conversation with me. Soda signed in everyone and then turned around.

"Hey Ponyboy," He said smiling at me sympathetically. He ran his fingers through my bleached blond hair. Darry then walked out of the bathroom and smiled at us all.

"Oh Pony you were already cryin'?" Soda asked hugging me.

"Yeah," I said thinking about the encounter with Two-bit. Soda hugging me made me want to cry too.

After the first hour had passed, I finally found out what they were whispering about. I was sitting down in a seat with Darry on my right and Soda on my left with Steve beside him. Nothing about the place was quiet, but one conversation caught my attention. I couple and there two young kids were sitting two rows in front of me. I recognized one of the girls from inside the church. Her mother looked at me for a few seconds until she noticed I was looking. She then turned to her husband and said "That boy with the blond hair was with him. He must feel horrible." One of the kids turned around to look at me then her mother scolded her so she turned away again.

At 5:00 sharp a service started. I didn't really pay attention to it but I did pay attention to the hysterical sobs coming from the back of the room. I turned around for a second and saw Two-bit leaving the room. Tears falling from his face and onto his shoes.

Ever since Mom and Dad died, every time I lose someone I hear "It will hit you at one point and you'll just break down and realize: They are gone for good." This was the moment when Two-bit broke down. He realized that Johnny was gone for good. I wonder when it will hit me?


	2. Chapter 2

It was raining the day they laid Johnny in the ground. We all tried our best to huddle under the small tent. His parents didn't show up for the burial. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Some of us had umbrellas but most of us just had wet clothes and rain in our faces blending with the tears. If Dallas would've been here I'm sure he would've cried. He didn't usually cry.  
Darry was standing beside me with his hand on my shoulder not wanting me to cry. Soda didn't come. He had to work. I looked around at what was left of us. There was a sobbing Two-bit, Darry, Steve, Soda, and me. None of us will ever see Dally or Jonny again. That's when it hit me. My body started to shake as they lowered the coffin into the ground.  
"Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold," Johnny's voice repeated in my head. I could see him sitting with me in the church or following me into save those kids. Sobs racked my body and I fell into Darry's arms. My face was buried in his chest as I continued to sob.  
"Shh Don't start now," Darry whispered.  
We were the first ones to leave. I couldn't see through my tears so Darry had to guide me to the car. Once I got to the car, Darry refused to move until I controlled my sobbing.  
"I just... I'll never see them again... They were my buddies," I choked out. Darry was turned around looking at me.  
"I know Pony but you gotta move on. Sometimes you lose good people," Darry said starting the truck. I stared out the window as we rolled on.  
We stopped at a small diner for breakfast. I wasn't very hungry but I went in anyway. The waiter came up to take my order. He was tan and very small. He had black hair. Everything about him reminded me of Johnny.  
"Hi my name's Johnny and I'll be your waiter can I start of with..." I didn't let him finished. I burst into another fit of tears. Darry looked at me before trying to dry my tears and apologizing to the waiter.  
I stopped my tears and pushed around some eggs before we went home. There was no evidence on my face that I'd been crying. Soda came home a few minutes later and Darry filled him in on what happened. Soda looked at me for a minute but didn't say anything.  
"Sodapop, I'm scheduled late tomorrow. You gotta stay home with Pony. He's shook up and I ain't leavin' him alone," Darry said.  
"Yeah I'll watch him," Soda said sitting beside me. Steve was in the kitchen probably eating something.  
The phone started to ring and I jumped. Darry answered the phone and I got up to leave the room. I didn't like listening to his conversations. It made me feel like I was eavesdropping.  
"Pony!" Darry yelled. 'Great it must be my English teacher,' I thought as I headed back into the room. I was in trouble. I changed my mind when I walked into the room to see Darry still on the phone.  
"It's for you," He said handing me the phone.  
"Hello," I said.  
"Hello, this is Howard Bleck. I was hoping to talk to you about a creative writing program. We read your first novel and loved it. We'd like you to write another in two months. It is due October 10th," The man answered.  
"Okay," I said. He continued to tell me a mailing address and other details before we hung up.  
"You have to do this Pony, It's a great opportunity," Darry told me. I really didn't want to though. I couldn't think of something to write about.

Two-bit hadn't been over since the funeral. I thought he might be trying to avoid anything to do with Johnny. Boy, was I wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

I usually didn't walk home alone anymore, but that day Darry couldn't pick me up. He had to work late and I was very open to the fresh air. Two-bit was gonna drive me home that day but he didn't show up for school. I was worried out of my mind. No one had seen him for 3 days. Since the burial. He had always protected Johnny. He was like a little brother to Two-bit.

I decided to detour. I never liked being alone and I knew Darry and Soda wouldn't be home until later. I would stop by Mom and Dad's gravesites and then Dally and Johnny's. There seemed to be only one other person there. It made me feel a little bit strange. Some things needed to be done alone. Visiting your parents grave was one of those things.

The other couple was at the end of the cemetery. They had a ncie car and I automatically knew they were Soc's. I would have to go that way to visit my parents graves and I wasn't in the mood for gettting jumped in a graveyard. I decided to walk over anyways.

I recognized the couple right when I saw them. It was Cherry and Randy. They were vistiting Bob's grave. That brought tears to my eyes. That boy was as much alive as Johnny or Dally or Mom and Dad. Cherry turned around and looked at me Randy did the same. They both smiled and walked over to me as I stood at my parents grave.

"Hi Ponyboy," Cherry was the first one to speak. Randy looked at my parents' stone and then at Cherry.

"Hi Cherry, Hi Randy," I said. I then read my parents' stone although I didn't need to. I had it memorized. Darrel Curtis January 2, 1925- February 5, 1965. Carol Curtis April 15, 1925 - February 5, 1925. God bless our parents.

"These were your parents?" Randy asked finally looking at me.

"Yeah," I said. There was an unconfortable silence between us. Cherry still held a little grudge against us. She had told Randy a couple days after Johnny and Dally died. After a couple minutes, they waved goodbye and drove off. I then started my short walk to Jonny's grave. I read the stone like I did Mom and Dad's Johnny Cade March 1, 1949- September 12, 1965.

"I knew you would be the first to show up Ponyboy," a slurred voice came frome behind the tombstone. I walk to the other side only to see Two-bit sitting behind the gravestone surrounded by beer cans. Some were unopened and others were empty.

"This is where you've been! While everyone has been worried sick about you, you've been sitting behind a gravestone!" I yelled. I wasn't angery with him but for some reson that's who I took all my fear, anger, and hurt out on. Drunk, Innocent Two-bit.

"Have a beer, It'll settle your nerves," Two-bit said. I started to think about the last time I had drank but I cleared the thought and pressed the beer to my lips. I crinkled my nose at the taste but contiuned to drink. I didn't know what Two- bit saw in the stuff. It tasted horrible and made you sick in the morning. I did admit though, It helped with the thoughts. I didn't think about Johnny or Dally. I passed out and didn't think about anything.

When Two- bit woke me up, the sun was setting. I stopped to remember where I was.

"Come on Ponyboy Darry's gonna kill me if he's home," Two-bit said. I looked at him as if trying to figure out who he was. I noted the vomit and beer cans. I still didn't remember.

"Darry?" I asked slurring the y. I started to fall backwards as I stood up but I caught myself.

Two-bit watched me with a concerned look on his face but I didn't notice at the time. He was probably worried about how Darry would react. I was grounded last time I came home drunk. Two- bit put his arm across my shoulder and started the walk home. My head was pounding and my throat was burning and I had to stop and throw up by the porch.

"Ponyboy! Two-bit?" Darry yelled and I knew I was in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up on the couch with Soda sitting beside me and darry sitting in the chair. Neither of them seemed to notice I was awake, so I sat there and listened to their conversation.

"Now we have to childproof this whole have to put up prescription drugs and get rid of all the liquor. You have to stay home with him tomorrow..." Darry was saying but I interrupted him.

"Where are you gonna be?" I asked sitting up. They both looked at me. I guessed they wanted to know how long I was listening. I really hadn't heard much.

"Morning Pony," Soda said smiling this big goofy smile.

"Morning? It's probably the middle of the night," I say looking outside.

"I'll be working," Darry said as he looked at Soda. It takes a lot to make Soda stop smiling and the look Darry gave him wiped the smile right off his face. Darry grabbed his toolbox and left the house.

"Why can't I stay with Two-bit?" I asked. Two-bit was the only other living member of the gang who didn't have a job.

"After last night you are lucky you will even be able to mention Two-bit's name. Darry doesn't want you alone with him anymore," Soda said. It all came bak to me. Randy and Cherry, my parents graves, Finding Two-bit, and coming home drunk.

"I'm not a child, I can take care of myself," I said defensively.

"Good. Tomorrow I'm going to a party with Steve and I an't watch you. I'll be home before Darry and I won't be drunk but just over for me, okay?" Soda asked me. I nodded and stood up.

I liked being was something about the stillness and being alone with my thoughts that calmed me down. I also needed time to work on my creative writing assignment.

I was thinking about turning in a paranormal story. I thought of a ghost girl trying to contact a living boy. They would then fall in love. I searched for the right words to start it.

"Hey, Pony, come eat," Soda yelled from downstairs. I then changed my mind. I wanted to write about Soda. His great looks, his charm, his happy personality. That's gold.

When I got to the kitchen, Soda was already waiting to eat. When he saw me oming he smiled wickedly. Then I notied the blue scrambled eggs and chocolate milk.

"Eggs are good for hangovers. Didn't know if you needed that," Soda said as I sat down.

"No I'm good. Did you make some for Darry?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Soda asked laughing, "I made enough food for an army." Soda always made exta food. It was usually rainbow of colors too.

"So tell me about this party you and Steve are going to," I tried to make any conversation to mask the silence. Sometimes silence is good, sometimes it's bad. Right now, I can't stand it.

"Well it's at Buck's so it's close to home. There will be a lot of greasy girls and drinks and people passing out. I'll want some eggs in morning," Soda laughed.

"You told me you wouldn't drink," I warned. I stared at him across the table. He could only laugh and hold on to the table to keep himself from falling out of his chair. I didn't know what was so funny, but Iaughed too. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. It was the first time I seriously laughed in a long time.

"What's so funny?" Darry walked into the kitchen.

"Tell him, Pony," Soda said, but his eyes said 'Make something up because you are the creative one.'

Soda stood up to fix Darry a plate of eggs and I started my story.

"Me and Soda went to the movies and Soda tried to pick up this girl sitting a few rows in front of us and when she turned around, she was a guy," I said and we all laughed. You know how I know Soda is a good actor? A blush crept on his face.

I usually spent a lot of time alone. I read or write or draw or just think. When Johnny was alive, he and I would trade stories or pictures. He was a great artist and author. He never let me share his stories or artwork with anyone.

After dinner, I went to my old room. The one I used to sleep in before I moved in with Soda. There was nothing but a closet in the room. I sat in the closet with the door closed and just enough light to read the words on the page. If Soda would sit in this closet, Darry would've worried sick. I had been up there for three hours, and no one noticed. I decided to put the book down and fell asleep in the closet.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This chapter is a little depressing so if you want to skip it I will add a summary at the end of everything that happened.

"Wake up Ponyboy you've got school," Darry said sitting on my bed beside me where Soda had slept. I guessed either Darry or Soda had removed me from my space in the closet and carried me to bed. I sat up slowly looked around for Soda. Surely enough, he came stumbling in trying to pull on his jeans.

"You are still watching him tonight?" Darry asked Soda who finally pulled on his jeans and was working on a belt with his wet hair dripping on the floor. He looked up and walked over to Darry throwing his arms around him and smiling.

"Don't worry my dear brother, for I shall watch him through the hardships of your work tonight," Soda said smiling at the two of us before he ran out of the room and disapeared in the hallway.

"He really is one of a kind ain't he Darry" I said and Darry shook his head.

"We couldn't get along without him," He said and then stood up to leave.

Soda told me to call Buck's when I got home and if I didn't call he would be home in 3 minutes. It was our system in case I got jumped.

I got in the house and quickly dialed the number Soda left on the table. It rang for about a second before Soda picked up.

"You home?" He asked.

"Yeah you havin' fun?" I asked.

"Well I've just got here and I was waitin' by the phone until you called. I was about to start headin' home," He said but he didn't sound mad. He laughed and so did I. It's hard not to laugh when Soda is laughing. I was the one who finally hung up due to the fact that I had homework to complete.

It took me a half an hour to finish all of my homework. I didn't have much else to do so I just tried to remember my week. For some reason, that was my favorite way to pass time. Saturday was Johnny and Dally's viewings. Monday was the Funeral, which I had skipped school to go to. Tuesday Soda went with me to see Lady L with Paul Newman. Wednesday I stayed home and started writing my ghost story. Thursday I found Two-bit at Johnny's grave. Today, Friday, I covered for Soda while he went to a party.

After about an hour, there was a crash outside. I went to the door to see what happened and make sure everyone was okay.

Everyone has a mind set at one point in their life that nothing is ever going to happen to them. That they are immortal. Bad things only happen to other people. Sometimes when people think like that they go looking for trouble just to get some excitement. They break into gas stations, Crash their cars ect. Other people stop worrying about stop signs and speed limits and just forget every safety guidlines that they ever heard because they think it won't happen to them. That's not how it works though. If you forget that accidents happen all the time, they are more likely to happen I found out when I opened that door.

"Are you guys okay? Do you need to use a phone?" I yelled. The pickup truck they were driving was crashed into a pull. It was black but I couldn't tell what kind of car it was. I bet Soda or Steve could've told you what type it was. One of the men turned around at my voice. He was pretty tall and looked about 20 or so. He had a black buzz cut and black stubbly beard. He was wearing black sunglasses so that I couldn't see his eyes. He was wearing a blue varsity jacket and khakis. He smiled up at me and walked up to the porch. The man behind him was smaller. He had brown hair and black eyes. He was wearing a plad shirt and blue jeans. He looked about the same age. I was pretty sure he was a greaser. I remember asking myself why a greaser was driving around with a soc.

"The phone is in the liv-" I started to say before I was slammed into the wall by the guy who looked like a soc. The greaser pulled out a gun and placed it hard to my chest.

"If you do what I tell you to, we won't hurt you," The greaser said. "First where are your parents and how soon will they be back?"

"My parents are dead, I live with my brothers. Soda will be home in an hour then Darry will be home in two," I said shakily. The soc picked me up and carried me to the closet. I didn't fight back for fear that the greaser would pull the trigger to the gun that was pressed to my back. I was shaking in fear as I listened to the my house being torn last thing I did befor I passed out was pray that someone would come home. When I woke up my wish was granted.

Summary: Pony woke up in Soda's room. After shool Soda went to his party and Pony got robbed and someone came home to save him.


	6. Chapter 6

TRIGGER WARNIG: CUTTING

"Ponyboy, Where's Sodapop?" Darry opened the door. "Pony are you okay come here," He said piking me up. I was slipping in and out of conciousness. I remember that he called Steve's house and then called Buck's.

Soda came home a few minutes later.

"He is in shock stay away from him. Steve's dad told me where you were," Darry said to Soda.

"Is he gonna be okay what all happened?" Soda asked.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say a drunken Two-bit," Darry said. Soda looked at the floor.

"Darry why didn't they just kill me?" I asked.

"You told me you'd watch him. If you didn't go to that stupid party then Pony wouldn't be asking for his own death now would he? But you had to go to your party becsuse you are terriblely heartless," Darry said and reached out and slapped Soda across the cheek. Soda didn't react.

"I'm so sorry Darry," Soda said. I passed out again on the ouch.

When I woke up Darry was sitting by my bed. He looked like he had been crying.

"Darry, it wasn't Two-bit who destroyed the house. I saw that someone wrecked their car and I wanted to help them. I asked if they wanted to use my phone and they said they did but then they pulled out a gun and..." I didn't finish. I burst into tears. I could see the scene again.

"Are you guys okay? Do you need to use a phone?" I yelled. The pickup truck they were driving was crashed into a pull. It was black but I couldn't tell what kind of car it was. I bet Soda or Steve could've told you what type it was. One of the men turned around at my voice. He was pretty tall and looked about 20 or so. He had a black buzz cut and black stubbly beard. He was wearing black sunglasses so that I couldn't see his eyes. He was wearing a blue varsity jacket and khakis. He smiled up at me and walked up to the porch. The man behind him was smaller. He had brown hair and black eyes. He was wearing a plad shirt and blue jeans. He looked about the same age. I was pretty sure he was a greaser. I remember asking myself why a greaser was driving around with a soc. I sat up a little, stopping my tears. Soda stood wearily in the doorway as if he wasn't sure if he should enter.

"Soda come here," I said. He looked up with wide eyes as he entered the room. Darry shot him a glare as he sat by me on the hospital bed. That day, Soda was different. There was no smiles to light up the room. No laughs that make even the most serious people smile. No bright eyes that whisper "Everything's gonna be okay." Just sunken eyes, a blank face and I notice that nothing gold can stay.

He reached his hand out to touch my face. I looked down and noticed the scars painting his wrists.

"Soda..." I started but he raised a finger to his lips.

"You need some sleep," Soda says and he and Darry leave the room.

I thought to myself alone that night of a poem by Robert Frost. It was called "The Road Not Taken,"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,  
Though as for that the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I kept the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way  
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.

If I had just not opened the door. Then none of this would've happened.

An: Sorry it's short but the next chapter will be a lot longer and better. This is a filler between two important chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

Trigger warning. Very depressing. I'll provide a summary if you don't want to read. (A little swearing)

I came home from the hospital that day. I sat on the couch watching Mickey Mouse with Two-bit while Darry cleaned up the kitchen. Soda burst through the door smiling and playfully hitting Stvev. All was normal for a minute.

"Did they hurt you too bad?" Steve asked.

"Just shock. I kinda wish they would've killed me," I said.

"Don't say that, Ponyboy," Two-bit put his arm around me, "We couldn't get along without you.

"Look what you did Soda! You put your little brother into some kind of suicidal mind set and it was all for your stupid party! You go straight to hell!" Steve yelled. Two-bit looked at Soda and flipped him off before leaving the house with Steve. Soda left the room and headed down the hall. I had never seen Steve and Soda fight. I had defintely never heard anyone yell at Soda or insult him in anyway. No one was mean to Soda. Period.

"Should I check on him?" I asked Darry but he seemed to shrug it off. Soda never acted like this.

A few moments later Soda emerged from our room and into the living room with a big goofy smile on his face and a peice of paper in his hands. He rushed over and hugged me.

"Goodbye, I love you," He whispered.

"Where are you going?" I said aloud.

"I'm gonna talk to Steve," he said. Then he disappeared into the kitchen. I watched him hug Darry, who was startled.

"Are you drunk?" Darry asked him. Soda shook his head.

"Bye," Darry said as Soda left the house.

After about a half an hour he returned. Darry didn't look up from the bills he was working on in the kitchen when Soda entered.

"What did you do?" I asked him.

"I said bye to Steve and Two-bit," He said.

"Why?" I asked. He looked at me, his smile fading.

"I never meant to hurt anyone," Soda called.

"What's done is done, Soda, and you can't change it," Darry said his voice angerier than I'd ever heard it. Soda had tears briming his eyes when he pulled out his switchblade. Darry wasn't paying attention but I noticed. I let out a small scream and all of a sudden, time stood still. I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't hurt Darry.

My prayers were answered. I opened my eyes and saw blood dripping from my brother's chest where Soda had buried his knife trying to end his on life. Then Darry looked up. He rushed to Soda's side and told me to call an ambulence.

Soda died in the ambulence. Darry pulled out his suicide note. The one he was holding when he said goodbye to me. Darry read it first. Then he did something he hadn't done since I reunited with him in the hospital after the church incident, He cried. He handed me the note and put his head in his hands.

Dear anyone who reads this,

I guess I suceeded. I am dead. After what Steve said I realized: We were born to die. And I probably now live in hell. Smile for me please. I just can't stand you a;; against me.

Love,

Sodapop Curtis.

The pain hit me right away. I would never see him smile or hug him or eat the rainbow colored meals he fixed or go to a movie with him or go to visit him at DX ever again. My brother was dead and I couldn't do anything about it. Darry was still crying when we got to the hospital.

AN: THIS ISN'T THE END! Sorry it was short. I just didn't want to be detailed. Two chapters in one day! At least where I live it was one day.

Summary:Pony came home from the hospital. Steve and Soda had a fight and everyone ganged up against Soda. Later that night, He commited suicide.


	8. Chapter 8

When someone dies in a hospital, they take a sheet and cover the body. That's what they did with my brother. Darry went off to talk with a nurse while I found a payphone to call Steve and Two-bit. I started dialing Steve's number.

"Hello," Steve answered the phone.

"Hi, Steve it's Ponyboy. I'm at the hospital with Darry and..." I started.

"Is everything okay? Where's Soda?" Steve interrupted.

"Soda's dead Steve. He killed himself," I choked into the phone.

"I'll be there in a minute," He said and hung up. I then proceded to call Two-bit.

"Hi," I little girls voice came through the phone. My breathing beame heavy and I felt my throat close up. For some reason thoughts rushed through my head. Soda was once that young. Not a care about anything. I wondered when he started thinking about suicide. Then I think about how he'll never have kids. How I would have to tell my kids that uncle Sodapop killed himself.

"Keith, there's a boy crying on the other end of the line," His sister yelled. I pulled the phone away from my mouth. Two-bit answered the phone.

"Soda?" he asked and I shook my head. After I realized he couldn't see me, I answered, "No."

I had never been so afraid of the dark as I was that night. I wanted to sleep but I just couldn't. Two-bit's words pulsed through my chest.

"Ponyboy, Nothing can change what has just happened," Two-bit started to cry. "But any of us could've stopped it."

Darry didn't speak until after we got home. When he entered the darkness of the room, I thought it might be Sodapop Patrick Curtis.

"Don't let Two-bit's comment get to you. Soda was sick. He was crazy. No one could've saved him. He wanted to die and he did. He didn't even think about what it would do to us," Darry said. I couldn't see him from the darkness of the bedroom and I didn't want to. If he wanted to call my brother crazy, I didn't want to talk to him. That night, I had the worst nightmares I've ever had. Worse than the one's I had when mom and dad died. I loved Soda more than anyone else in the world and I never wanted to see another day without him.

AN: Sorry for the very short filler but I needed for this to be said. I will post a longer chapter soon. I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up and rolled over, reaching my hand to Soda's side of the bed. It was cold. I sat up quickly and then layed back down in a fit of tears. He was dead and he was never coming back. Darry must've heard me because he rushed into my room.

"Pony, you gotta get dressed," He said then softly added, "Today's the funeral."

"Today?" I asked. I had stayed in my room crying for 3 days.

"Come downstairs and eat something," Darry said. I got up and looked at myself. I was pale. I had lost weight, and a lot of it. My eyes were tear-stained. I was scared that if I took too deep of a breath, I would litterally fall to peices.

I followed Darry to the kitchen. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating. I ate and ate and ate. Later, it made a reappearance.

I wore the same outfit I went to Johnny's funeral in. I didn't have anything else. I didn't take very long to get ready, so I went to check on Darry. He hadn't shown any emotion until then. Darry was crying. I had personally never seen him cry so hrad. It hits you at the worst moments. That was when it hit Darry. Soda's smile would never light up another room. His laughter would never make another heart sing. There was no going back to then.

It was too nice out to be going to a funeral. Soda would've wanted it that way though. I sat in the truck for a while, preparing myself before I entered. I wasn't prepared. And even if I sat in the car for 20 years, I wouldn't be ready. The first thing I saw when I walked in was pictures of him. I couldn't find any pictures of him frowning.

"He was great, huh?" Darry asked. I turned around and looked at him.

"Did you set this up?" I asked Darry crying. He nodded and hugged me. We walked up to the front of the funeral home beside the casket. Soda looked peaceful. He was wearing his favorite plad button up and Darry told me he was wearing jeans. His hair was greased and he looked perfect.

Most of the people there were girls who said they were friends. The only people I knew were Darry, Steve and Two-bit. Steve never left the side of the coffin. He wasn't crying though. I never seen Steve cry.

I listened to Darry eulogize Soda and I started to cry. I was crying so hard I had to leave.

"Anyone who knew Soda, knew he was a very happy person. So even though he has died his life goes on. Everyone he knew has a peice of him in them. So he hasn't really died yet. The happiness he brought to us can reach across eternity. I..." Darry said before I left. I never heard the rest of the eulogy.

So many people talked to me that day. I didn't know most of them. Soda probably didn't know most of these people, but that didn't matter. Soda was never coming home.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ponyboy I know you're upset, that doesn't mean you should ignore me," Darry said standing in my room.

"It's not that I'm upset that I'm ignoring you it's because you called my brother sick. He was crazy, right?" I said slightly raising my voice. Two-bit appeared in the doorway and I assumed Steve wasn't far behind. If Soda heard me yell at Darry like that, he would've started crying. That didn't occur to me at all then. I wouldn't cry, I was going strong. Getting tough like Dallas said. I thought I knew what he meant.

"I never said that," Darry said looking at Soda. I knew how he was gonna play it. It was his word against mine. No one would believe me because I seemed real upset. I know what I heard. Our eyes were locked. I never looked at Darry the same way after that. That was when I realised how much we needed Sodapop. He kept us togther.

"Okay Darry," I said before leaving the room. I was ready for the burial and so was everyone else. I decided it would be better to walk than ride with Darry. About halfway to the cemmetary I saw a man on the bench reading the local newspaper. I barely caught the headline but I did read "Sixteen year old boy commits suicide." It was only a little pargraph under some sports scores. The man smiled wikedly and started to laugh. I picked up the pace and hurried to the gates. People were already gathering around the grave. I was alone in a crowd of strangers. I didn't have Darry this time. He was a stranger too. They didn't lay the coffin in the ground. They had a little service and there was crying, but not like the funeral. I noticed on the coffin was a bouquet of flowers saying "In loving memory of my brother,"

I didn't talk to anyone after the funeral for quite a few weeks. If you don't attach yourself to people, it doesn't hurt when they leave. I didn't realize how much I needed the gang. I needed Johnny and Dally. I needed Sodapop and Two-bit. I even needed Darry and Steve.

"Pony, how's that creative writing coming?" Darry asked sitting on my bed. I really wanted to ignore him. I wanted to show I didn't need him but I just couldn't.

"I can't think," I said not meeting his eye.

"You're growing up, Pony. Your realising that not everyone is trust worthy. You think we don't care but we do. You are facing your worst fears. Losing your brother. It seemed like you loved him more than mom and dad. You can't just lok yourself away Ponyboy. Listen Pony, I was wrong," Darry said.

"If you get tough you don't get hurt," I said.

"No Pony. You risk getting hurt because you love someone. That's the risk you take when you get close to someone. It's worth it little buddy. Even if you're only close to them for a little while it's better than never knowing them at all. Sleep on it Pony. Tomorrow is Soda's birthday. Let's work on that story then," Darry said before kissing my head. I thought about that. I ouldn't imagine going on never knowing Darry, or Two-bit Or Steve. Everyone taught me something. Cherry taught me that things are rough all over. Bob taught me that everybody's got a dark side. Randy taught me to do what's right, even if people think you are crazy. Johnny taught me that I could stay gold. Dally taught me that even the toughest people have a breaking point. Steve taught me that you should keep your best friends close. Two-bit taught me that you can't drink away your problems. Soda taught me that you can't keep your emotions held up inside. Darry taught me that it's worth getting hurt if it means you can get close to someone. Everyone and everything has taught me one great big lesson, You have to carry on.


	11. Chapter 11

"Get up Ponyboy," Darry said. The house was silent. I walked into the living room wondering where everyone was. I started to ask but I noticed Sodapop's memorial invation on the table beside a candle.

"When did you set this up?" I asked. Darry looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"He would've been 17. He just wanted us to let him know he wasn't alone. We didn't do that. Oh lord Pony he was never alone. You are never alone. Just remember that please?" Darry said with tears streaming down hs face. His voice cracked a couple times.

"How long do you think he was hiding this?" I asked.

"I don't know Pony," He said sitting on the couch in front of the memorial.

"I never liked Steve but I hope he's doing okay. He's probably taking it hard that he can't go to work and pretend he forgot Soda's birthday until Soda is almost off the clock like he always used to," I said. He later told me that even though Soda wasn't physically there he did it anyways. I knew there was something I liked about Steve. I realised it was because we wer so alike. We never let things go easily.

"So Pony, what are gonna write about?" Darry asked picking up Soda's picture. I knew then that I wouldn't be writing about ghosts. I'd be writing about my brother Sodapop. I'd be writing about Johnny. I'd be writing about getting drunk with Two-bit.

"I think I'm gonna write about Soda," I said.

"That's great Pony, let me read it when you are done," Darry smiled.

I picked up a notebook and started to write. Tomorrow was the due date and I needed to send this in. I couldn't figure out where to start it though so I thought back on what had just happened. When I thought the peices fit perfectly into place, I started like this: Darry parked in the back of the parking lot because of the embaressment the truck had caused him.

An:

That's it. I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed.

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